are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
