Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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