my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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