I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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