i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
