I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
