Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
