you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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