Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
