watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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