I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
