note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
