She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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