R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
