OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
