I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My ass is underappreciated
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
