One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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