I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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