dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
