either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
