im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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