You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
