Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
