I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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