i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
