my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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