did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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