I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
