That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
