turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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