quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
organizing the empties. That sober.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
