I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
