Betty ford says i'm here all night
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
