Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
my poor anus
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
