she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
