I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
