dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
