Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
