It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
