I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
