I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
