i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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