How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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