is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Drake has all the answers
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
