I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
