I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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