At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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