Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
