"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
