How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just had sex on a roof
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
