If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
