he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
